Demon Hunting and Tenth Dimensional Physics: March 2013

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Oysters (In Honor of Marriage Equality)

Since the subject of marriage equality is in the air right now, I wanted to offer something up. A free (if slightly aged) piece of fiction for you. So, here's 'Oysters.'

“Fish for sale!” he screamed across the lane, the tenor echoing from the wood beams. “We’ve got grouper! Bass! Monkfish!” I stared as his lips conformed to every letter. The cracked, callused skin writhed in every possible direction. “Come on, people! This is the premier catch of the morning!”

A man in a fedora, his stippled beard flashing across his face in the blocks of sunlight, reached down to the display and tossed the mussels about without looking down. Their black ridges flicked drops of water, diamond bright, through the air onto the chunks of ice, but he passed by. I guess it was only a courtesy.

The next one was a woman. Her hair was the same color as his smock – vitriolic orange. I haven’t seen a worse dye-job before or since. The fishmonger managed to pull it off, though. “Young lady,” he lied. “Come on now. Don’t you want a nice piece of salmon for dinner? It’s fresh out of the Columbia River.” His lips and brow streaked with lines as she sashayed past. “I pulled it out of the water with my own hands!”

He grasped at more than just my heartstrings now. I would be justified to punch her, right? I don’t know how she passed him by – I hide behind this pillar every day. Is it bad that I don’t know his name yet?

“I know you want something, sir! King crab legs! Special price – half off just for you!” A man in a trench coat scoffed and walked briskly past, cancelling the echoes of the fishmonger’s voice. “Anyone?” His volume dropped and the color flushed away from the sharp cheekbones.

I marched out from behind the pillar. “Hi.” He looked down the hook of his nose at me, a smile trying to pull at his lips. “Could I get some of those oysters?


I hope you enjoy. Equality for all!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Anti-Classic Support Group

Hi, I'm Voss, and I'm not a fan of the classics.

And guess what: that's okay.

Before I continue: I'm not talking about the classics like Jane Eyre, David Copperfield, or Pride and Prejudice. I'm talking the classics of my genre: The Lord of the Rings, Dune, Foundation. That kind of thing. That's not to say I don't like any of the genre staples. Give me Gormenghast, A Wizard of Earthsea, Left Hand of Darkness, or Fahrenheit 451 whenever you like: I'll read it.

What's the point? No, no, it's not some form of confession, because this isn't anything to feel guilty about. But, when I went to my first sci-fi/fantasy convention, I hadn't read most of this stuff, and the people that found out thought it was an abhorrent idea. Never finished Lord of the Rings? Blasphemer! You find Dune boring and completely without interest? How dare you?

But I'm here to tell you that it's okay. You don't need my permission, but I'll even write you a note, if you'd like. Read what you like and, for the other writers out there, don't think that you have to read all this stuff just to be allowed to write in the genre. There is no gatekeeper standing in front of your laptop, I promise.

That's also not to say don't try some of the classics, some of the 'key' pieces of a genre. Do try them. Try reading everything, that's my rule. If you don't like it, then fine, don't read it. But do try: you could be missing out on a real gem if you don't.


Tuesday, March 5, 2013


So, I should warn right now that this has nothing to do with writing, my books, or anyone else's book, really. But I think it's interesting and, as anyone can tell you, things I like often end up in my books, so who knows?

Now, on with the show.

I love cryptids. I like the whole idea of something that we haven't found, even with all of our fancy technology. Yep. I'm one of those crazies going around, talking about bigfoot, the Jersey Devil, and Mothman. I watch all those shows that go around chattering about them, trying to find them.

Which brings me to my cryptid theory, the theory to why we have such a hard time getting 'official' evidence. It's all based around something we actually know about animals: they are sensitive. They can pick up on coming changes in the weather, can tell if someone has bad intentions, and, most importantly for this theory, are sensitive to magnetism.

Now, when you put together an expedition to find one of these cryptids, there's always a pile of technology to record things with. But here's the thing: all those lovely devices release electromagnetism. Now, just stick with me on this. Say that cryptids haven't been found because they developed a very high sensitivity to electromagnetic energy. When people then go to find them, they're screwed from the get-go because all their equipment is just a giant beacon. It also explains why you have the Mothman chasing after cars and bigfoot staring right into cameras, even when being shot from far off.

Just my two cents. You can go back to your usual lives, now.