5 Books I'm Excited for - June 26th

Authors, as a rule, are readers first, authors second. That especially holds true with fiction authors, because how else do you get a crazy idea like writing a novel if you aren't sitting around huffing book glue during your formative years.

While most authors don't read as much as they did before the writing bug bit, it's always important, and always a good little escape to go on.

Sometimes, however, books really dig under your skin in a way that you just can't shake. Whether it's the writing, the author, or simply the force of the idea, they take root.

Well, since today is Tuesday, and that's the day most new books release every week, I wanted to share with you some books that really have me excited to read them.

(Note: any links below are Amazon Affiliate Links, and I might receive a small kickback if you go buy something after clicking. It doesn't cost you or the authors anything extra.)

5: Mech Wars by Scott Bartlett

Do you like giant robots? Because I like giant robots. I especially like it when giant robots punch each other in the face, or shoot each other, or fire grappling cables into each other. I grew up on Power Rangers and Zoids and Gundam, and my favorite TV show is still Code Geass.

Enter Scott Bartlett's Mech Wars series. Set at the beginning of a new military revolution--the introduction of piloted mechs--it follows gamer, Jake Price, who has been unknowingly training to pilot giant robots his whole life. Hand eye coordination and video game knowledge make him a force to be reckoned with as he competes for one of eight spots to pilot a mech and save the world.

And now, the entire Mech Wars series has been compiled, and is available for $4.99. It's a hell of a deal, and you should definitely go check it out. Well, you should check it out of if you like giant robots. If not, probably won't be your cup of tea.

4: Galactic Genesis by Various

Another collection of books, this is from a group of some of today's most popular, well-loved sci-fi authors. M.D. Cooper, Chris Fox, A.K. DuBoff, J.J. Green, Kevin McLaughlin, and B.C Kellogg.

But you don't have to have read their books to jump into this one. That's why it's so exciting to me. These are all new series each of them is starting. Galactic genesis is filled out with the first books of six brand new sci-fi series, and they're giving everyone a chance to try all six of them out.

Of particular interest to me are M.D. Cooper's Shore Leave, which is a new series featuring everyone's favorite space-faring lesbian, Tanis, J.J. Green's colony ship story, The Concordia Deception, which not only is about generational colony ships (Yay!), but also has a scientist as a main character, and A.K. DuBoff's Crystalline Space. You only need to see the tagline for that one:

What if save points were real?

All of that graciously offered for $0.99? I'll be weighing in on the contents when I finish, because I'm definitely buying the book.

3: Whiskey Ginger by Shayne Silvers and Cameron O'Connell

I am a Shayne Silvers fan. I'm a book fan. I'm a Supernatural fan. I'm an urban fantasy fan. And I like books that feature strong, capable heroines.

So obviously Whiskey Ginger, the beginning of the Phantom Queen series, has got me all atwitter.

Quinn, our main character, is a black magic arms dealer. She smuggles and sells dangerous magical substances and artifacts...as long as the money's good enough. And she does it safely, because she naturally nullifies magic. None of these dangerous spells and enchantments can touch her.

This book sets her up as an adversary to Silvers's main literary badass, Nate Temple. She makes the mistake of stealing from him and...well, that's just not a good idea.

The series is also being released rapidly. The first three books are already out, with book three coming out just this week, and the fourth is on pre-order for an early July release date.

But when a series opens with a vampire snorting crystallized hemoglobin, it's kind of hard to go wrong. The books all run $3.99, so you're not breaking the bank, and you're not going to have to wait a year between parts of the story. Win-win.

2: The Darkest Time of Night by Jeremy Finley

Jeremy Finley is an award winning investigative journalist, and he's now set his sights on the world of fiction. And boy howdy does The Darkest Time of Night tick all the boxes for me.

Children disappearing in dark woods? Check. Other children rattling off mysterious phrases? Check. Political intrigue with proper research from years of journalistic experience? Check.

Oh, also the main character is a grandma. Older, competent female characters with a mysterious past? Double, triple, quadruple check for me.

Combine all of that with a character rich voice that straddles the line between literary and fast-paced, and Finley has turned out one hell of an opener into the world of fiction. Being from a New York publisher, unlike the others on the list so far, this one runs a little pricier at 12.99, but when else are you going to see badass astronomy grandma take on corruption, and possibly aliens?

Before we get to the number one book, the one that I kind of have to have in my life right now, I would be remiss if I didn't mention Hannu Rajaniemi's Summerland that launched today. I love alternate history, particularly set in the 1930s, and I have an obsession with a specific and hard-to-find trope that's present in Summerland: a human-constructed God. It's definitely on my list to check out, but it was just slightly edged out of the top five for the week.

And now the big one, the one that has my blood all excited and shit.

1: Trail of Lightning by Rebecca Roanhorse

Guys. Guys, you can't understand how much this book gets me going. Like, you just can't. You know I love diversity in fiction. This is a book by an indigenous author about indigenous characters. It's also set on an Earth ravaged by climate change, so most of the land has flooded. The former Navajo reservation is now argubaly the most inhabitable place in North America, protected from destruction by magic.

That should excite you. If not, check your pulse...and then keep reading, because I'm not done.

The main character is a monster hunter. The book takes a dive into Navajo myth and legend, plus Navajo culture in general.

It's written with a sense of immediacy and speed, while also conveying the character immediately and throughout. And unlike a lot of other books I tend to stumble across, we're not halfway through the series or anything: Trail of Lightning is the first book of The Sixth World. Which means that A: there's no playing catch-up and B: the book needs some serious love in order to keep the series alive and kicking. At 7.99, I wouldn't even hesitate to buy it.

Also, I didn't even hesitate to buy it. Yum yum, time for reading.

Top 5: Modern SF/F Magazines

I've often spoken and written about how short fiction is the life blood of sci-fi and fantasy. I grow more convinced of this all the time. Almost every great, well-known SF/F author has a massive backlog of short stories that you could peruse. Hell, some of them made their entire living on short fiction.

But that lifeblood doesn't flow if nobody can pay for those short stories… so magazines. People have to read magazines for the magazines to pay authors. And there's a lot of them out there. The list I have here is in no way extensive. These are just my five favorite SF/F rags this week. They're all magazines I think deserve a little support, because they do good work. They put out quality fiction, and that should be rewarded, in my opinion.

5: The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction

It would be hard to do this list without mentioning this particular magazine. It's been around since before the web (This marks year 67 of publication), and it's collected a lot of just straight-up quality pieces in that time. It's hard to apply a general qualifier to all of the work they publish, as it really ranges across the board. The only thing that ties it all together is how plain-old good the fiction is.

You can get a subscription to them starting at around $37. Why such a steep price? We're talking physical magazines in your mailbox.

4: Daily Science Fiction

While the whole body of work isn't going to be to everyone's tastes (They publish five days a week, 52 weeks per year.), something in DSF is going to appeal to everyone. My main reason for including this one is that it's free. Completely free, a short (Very short) story delivered to your inbox five days a week, entirely free of charge.

So if you want to subscribe, just go over here.

3: Shimmer

Shimmer is a weird one. I'm not judging – they'll admit it. Their fiction is beautifully written and stylistic. A lot of magazines focus on how their fiction isn't pretentious and doesn't take itself to seriously. Shimmer is pretentious and it does take itself seriously. Very seriously, in the best of ways. It's the very fact that the authors take their work so seriously that makes Shimmer such an incredible magazine to read.

Shimmer is just $15/year, so why not give them a chance?

2: Fireside Magazine

Shimmer is strange. Fireside is strange, but more accessible to the general populous. Very heavy focus on character and concept If those are the kinds of things you like to see in your stories, I really can't recommend Fireside heavily enough. They're very selective, and it really shows.

They're also free, but they pay their authors very well, and they're entirely kept afloat by crowdfunding, so consider throwing something atthem, if you enjoy their work.

1: Clarkesworld Magazine

Now, I love all the magazines before this, as well as a lot of others that didn't make the list (Basically just because I didn't have space.). But this one was always going to be on the list. It was always going to be number one on the list. If I had to pick one SF/F mag to read for the rest of my life, it would be Clarkesworld. There's just something about these stories. They are purely character-driven, more than any other selection of short fiction I've ever seen. Their stories are consistently up for various awards when that season rolls around. It's one of very few sources of fiction that has provided me with a story that changed the way I think about science fiction and writing and the way short stories should be structured.

They run as low as $2.99 per issue, so it's pretty hard to beat that, in my opinion. I can't recommend a Clarkesworld Subscription enough. I really, really can't.

And that's my little primer on SF/F mags. As I said, there are a lot more of them out there that I didn't get to put in. Maybe I'll put them into another post… or two… or three. However many it takes.

Happy Thursday, everyone!

Voss

On Pokemon and Fandom and the Genre Ghetto

So, in the last blog post, I promised I’d talk about Pokemon. And I’m happy to oblige on that front, because it’s my weakness. It’s the only “real video game” I still play, and I have since I was a kid. I was raised firmly in the arms of the Pokemon Generation. I watched the show, played the games. I even had the board game and the novelizations. One of the first things I remember saving up for was a poster that showed the first 150 Pokemon. I sat and stared at that and memorized the entire thing, too (Don’t ask me to recite it, now. It’s been too long.).

With the next main series games coming out this year, I figured this was the time to talk about it if I was ever going to. I won’t go into my journey with it or how I got into it, what changes I want to see in these games, theories about the way this world works. That’s all been covered by hundreds of other fans, and so much more than that, so you can turn to them if you want all that. I wouldn’t do nearly as good of a job at it.

If you’re this far into my blog, and you somehow haven’t noticed, I’m a writer. I’m also a massive geek. But the thing is, some of this geeky stuff people like me love so much moves beyond being just this niche thing. I’m looking at Harry Potter and Star Wars and things like that. There are plenty of books and movies about wars in space or magical schools, but they mostly stayed firmly settled in SF/F fandom. In the same way, Pokemon has moved far ahead of other similar works. These are things that are objectively geeky and nerdy. Space and wizards and dragons and mice with electric cheek pouches.

It’s the kind of thing I like to bring up to people when I get into conversations about nerds and geek and SF/F culture. I’ve said for years that everyone is actually a nerd. Everyone who liked The Hunger Games or Harry Potter or The Magic Treehouse. They’re all undeniably SF/F, but they become accepted for one reason or another. I think there’s good and there’s bad in situations like this. I’ve spent a lot of time considering this type of thing, and a lot of time drenched in fandom. So here’s my take on Pokemon in particular. The basic ideas apply to anything that breaks out into popular culture, but I’m going to focus on this one franchise this time through.

The Good: The clear good that Pokemon brings is togetherness. It’s for everyone, and the Nintendo Direct video where they announced really focused on that. It showed all different types of people playing and enjoying Pokemon together. When something breaks out of just being for SF/F fans, it opens the doors a little more. More people getting into SF/F, and possibly moving past their one thing. It gives people a common baseline to discuss things. Google “Games Like Pokemon” and you’ll see that. Common language, common thoughts. Even people who know nothing about gaming or SF/F or anything like that can get an idea of something from the baseline of “Pokemon,” because it’s a part of the culture at large, now. And that’s beautiful and brings people together, which we can always do good things with.

The Bad: Now, this is no fault of the Pokemon franchise. This is a cultural thing, instead, but it’s something that definitely applies to the franchise. SF/F writers are all very familiar with what’s known as the “Genre Ghetto.” Essentially, there are real books, and there’s sci-fi and fantasy. That’s a problem in itself, but that’s not the part I’m covering here. The thing is, when an SF/F book does well and breaks out, suddenly the people in power aren’t as willing to mark it as science fiction or fantasy. Look at Fahrenheit 451. It’s a sci-fi classic… but it’s bundled in with literary fiction.

That’s the bad. A game like Pokemon breaks out of being “just for nerds” and is suddenly held up as a standard of video gaming. This problem isn’t as prevalent in gaming, from what I can tell, but it’s there. Games are already for nerds, but some games are particularly nerdy (Starcraft, anyone?). And of course, the people who really geek out about the popular things are always going to somehow be seen as lesser. In Pokemon, those are the people who breed for IVs and EV train, but also the people who compete in the battles and write out team strategies and that sort of thing. They’re the nerds that casual fans don’t want to talk about as much, because they’re “too into it.”

I love Pokemon. I always will, and the good it does is amazing. Seriously. I about shit myself when I found out they were doing Gen 7 (Or 6.5 or whatever you want to call it.). 20 years of Pokemon. 20 years. That’s most of my life by a huge margin. But I think it works to expose some of the issues that genre artists and fans see and, as I said, it’s a widely-accepted piece of work. It’s a baseline people can work from.

I’m a small enough fish that I’m pretty sure that most people who are looking at this are already geeky in the more “traditional” sense. They get it. But I like to draw attention to this aspect of geekery, because I think it’s important. It’s important for the SF/F fandom to acknowledge that this happens, and it’s important for people who don’t see themselves that way to maybe take a peek at this side of the equation.

Because fandom is for everyone.

Voss

On Fandom

Woot! I’m writing this from Sasquan, so this is going to be a little quicker than normal. Sorry for that, but I promise I’ll be bringing you back all sorts of awesome content from the convention.

These sorts of events always make me think. Why is it that all these introverts (like me) take the time to go out to these kinds of things? We all force ourselves to be in this uncomfortable situation. What is it about these gatherings of fandom that make us want to do this?

I think it’s because SF/F fans have profound experiences when it comes to the genre, moreso than other fandoms. I can’t speak to any sort of universal experience, but with myself and other people I’ve talked to, that sense of the strange resonates. That’s part of why there are so many introverts in the SF/F community, I’d imagine. Outcasts like to see other strange people in their fiction, maybe people even stranger than them, or people who aren’t even people.

Am I right? I don’t know. I honestly don’t. What do you think? Let me know in the comments.

(Also, I promise I’ll get into less esoteric and philosophical content when I get back. This is just what’s on my mind, right now.)

Voss

Top 10: SF/F TV Shows (Part 1)

I talk a lot about books for (hopefully) obvious reasons. But there’s more to speculative fiction than just reading. I think reading is a quintessential part of being a spec-fic fan, but sometimes you just don’t feel like reading. For most people I know, reading is an incredibly exhausting task, no matter how enjoyable it is. Your brain has to work differently when you read. It’s much more intense than other media, but sometimes you don’t want that.

I’m a big TV slut. I like to watch TV while I’m writing, while I’m researching. It’s just something that I can put on in the background. This is why Tivo and Netflix are two of my best friends a lot of the time (Also because I live in the middle of BFE and don’t actually go out and talk to people that often.).

So I figured, why not share what I think are the best spec fic TV shows out there. I should note now that Doctor Who won’t be on this list, so don’t expect it. I’m not a Whovian. I don’t dislike the show, but it’s not my first choice to put on, either.

Don’t beat me too much for that.

Now, this list is, for once, in order. It’s a mix of animations, live action, adult, teen, kids, old, current, whatever. If it made the list, there’s a reason I put it on there.

Now, without any further blithering from me, let’s begin.

(I should note that I can’t guarantee a spoiler-free experience. Continue at your own risk.)

10: Zoo (2015-)

I have no love lost for James Patterson. He admitted himself that he’s not that good at actually writing and is really just an idea man. Which is fine, but he’s always the face of his books. It bothers me that his co-authors, who put in the hours at the keyboard, don’t get their fame.

But that’s not why Zoo is so low. I think Zoo is probably the best show out of the new batch of TV that started this season. It’s so low because it’s brand new and still has plenty of room to disappoint. It made this list because, despite me not wanting to bother with it, I got hooked by the characters, and then the plot really kicked in. In short, animals are turning on humans en masse, and the main characters are trying to figure out what’s going on, because it doesn’t make any sense.

It does help that Billy Burke is one of the leads. He’s brilliant, and he’s especially brilliant in this role. But all of the main characters are incredibly interesting and, more than that, have very well-created connections with each other. The continual jump to a case that doesn’t matter in the middle of an episode is definitely getting old, but it’s not enough to turn me away. I would definitely recommend Zoo if you’re looking for a good drama fix.

9: Warehouse 13 (2009-2014)

This was a bit of a sleeper compared to some of the others on this list, but I was into it from the very beginning. The idea of objects holding power because of their past has always been fascinating to me, and Warehouse 13 certainly delivered that along with a healthy dose of mystery and great chemistry between the characters.

In a nutshell, Warehouse 13 is a government storage space for empowered artifacts, some more dangerous than others. But they all need to be contained because sometimes, things just don’t go right when you give human beings power. Go figure.

The show never defined whether it was science fiction or fantasy, and didn’t even walk the line between the two. It just threw open the windows and said “Fuck it.” At its heart, it’s not science fiction or fantasy. It’s a classic cop pairing we see time and again. Two team members. One stoic, one carefree. It works in Bones, it works in Castle, and it worked for Warehouse 13’s five year run (which is available to stream on Netflix, if this has piqued your interest).

Why not higher? At times, it felt a little disjointed, and some of those moments were never fully resolved.

8: The X-Files (1993-2002)

You had to know this would be on my list, right? Just like Warehouse 13, this uses the stoic/carefree duo, and does so to great effect. It combines government conspiracy with the paranormal, fantastical, and just downright strange, but it does it in such a way that it’s believable. Not to mention that it’s one of the most accessible shows of its type. This comes from the combination of weekly occurrences (the X-file being explored in each episode) with longer running plot arcs.

Of course, it has its problems to be sure. Sometimes, the acting can be a bit questionable, particularly from the side characters. Some of the plots in individual episodes also got to be a bit hard to believe, even for a show where basically everything is on the table as possibly being real. But all in all, this is easily one of the most iconic shows in speculative fiction, and I think it’s one of the best.

7: Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994)

I could have cheated and just put Star Trek, but in my opinion, TNG is the hands-down best iteration. I know a lot of people don’t agree with me, but the American public in the late-eighties to mid-nineties did, which is why TNG is the longest-running version of Star Trek to date.

We could argue back and forth about why one season is better than the other, but no one would end up convinced of anything at the end of that. Why do I think TNG deserves a spot on this list?

The characters. More than anything else, it’s the characters. Even a mundane thing like Data learning to dance becomes something extraordinary because of who Data is, and who Dr. Crusher (his teacher) is. Plus, with Sir Patrick Stewart at the helm, it would be hard to go too far astray with this show. Not to mention that it has some of the most enduring episodes in it. “Darmok” comes immediately to mind, as does “Sarek.” Two powerhouse episodes in an already incredible series, and they’re hardly the only ones.

Were there problems? Of course there were problems. It took them a while to really settle into their characters and this new world, which can make the beginning a bit sketchy. The characters tend to be very polarizing, and if there’s one major character you just can’t stand, it can ruin the whole experience in such a character-drive show. Not to mention that, for fans of the original Star Trek, TNG was far more focused on the drama and the personal relationships than its predecessor. But I personally think that’s what makes it such a good show.

6: Gargoyles (1994-1996)

I did warn you that there would be kids’ shows on here. I’m still a huge fan of Gargoyles. There was no cartoon like it before, and really hasn’t been anything that captured that essence since. Which is why it’s such a damn shame that it went off the air… and that the third season happened at all. I won’t go into the full drama, but essentially, the creator of Gargoyles (Greg Weisman) got screwed out of working on the third season, and of course it was a complete failure without him. So much so that, in the official continuity, Greg Weisman discounts everything after the first episode of season three, which he wrote.

What made Gargoyles so different is hard to pin down. There are a lot of things. Unlike a lot of kid’s shows at the time (and even nowadays), the characters went through lasting changes. Things that happened in past episodes still affected the characters. Hudson’s love of reading, Broadway’s hatred of guns, Lexington’s animosity toward The Pack. These came from earlier episodes and weren’t tossed away, challenged the audience to remember when so many other shows wouldn’t take the risk.

There was also a much more adult tone to Gargoyles than anyone would expect. Goliath is a truly tragic character. His entire clan was basically destroyed, and he was destined to be alone. Then, when he was awoken, it was in a time he didn’t understand at all, with people who feared him even more than he’d been feared before.

I could continue to gush about the good things, because there are a lot of them. But I want to touch on what the biggest problem is, and it’s one that couldn’t really be avoided: it’s still a kids’ show. As great as it is, as mature as it is, there are still plenty of moments when plain-old silly things happen that remind you that it’s not a nice, cohesive adult drama. It’s a 90’s Disney cartoon. But those are so few that it hardly makes a difference, at least to this viewer.

Well, my word counter says I’m already over-budget. So, to keep this from being ridiculously long, I’m going to cut it here. What made the top five? You’ll have to swing back tomorrow and find out.

Voss

Subgenre Saturday: Science Fantasy

It’s Saturday once again, which means a new subgenre for us to look at. Last week, I went into one of my favorite underappreciated (and unfortunately underpopulated) subgenres: new weird fiction. Now, I was planning something else for this week. Something a little more strictly sci-fi, like dystopian fiction or space opera. But last week really got my juices flowing, and I got inspired by my own little bit at the end, going off into a cousin of new weird. If new weird is the kid who likes to break the rules, then science fantasy is the kid who sits in back and dresses funky, but still pulls a 4.0. Or some metaphor that makes much more sense.

Science fantasy is essentially just what it sounds like: a combination of science fiction and fantasy elements, styles, and tropes. Things like McCaffrey’s Pern books (Dragons and telepathy and supercomputers?), Colfer’s Artemis Fowl (Yeah, leprechauns and elves… but also high tech computer things and mathematics.), and even The Giver (A genetically perfect society set somewhere after a great conflict, the world turned flat and perfected, and also the inexplicable ability to transfer memory through physical contact.).

On the film front, you don’t need to look any deeper than Star Wars (George Lucas even said the movies were space fantasy.). Set in another galaxy with FTL travel and aliens and lasers, but also more classic fantasy tropes than you can count. The chosen one, the wise old mentor who dies, the questing party, the princess, the evil overlord with a mysterious connection to our hero. Plus, no matter what anyone says, the Force is magic. Magic magic magic.

Unlike some of the other subgenres I’ve looked at recently, there are plenty of works that are absolutely science fantasy, all across different media. I touched on Gunnerkrigg Court last week, which is too blatant to ignore (Seriously. Go check it out.). Most of the Final Fantasy franchise of video games falls into this subgenre, and I would posit that you’re more likely to see science fantasy in video games than almost anywhere else. You also see it in cartoons (Gargoyles, The Legend of Korra), live action TV (Power Rangers comes to mind. All of them.), and anime and manga (Yu-Gi-Oh!, Dragon Ball Z).

What are some of the big ones I missed (I’m sure I missed something blatantly obvious.)? Let me know in the comments below, and subscribe to stay caught up on Subgenre Saturdays.

Voss

Subgenre Saturday: Steampunk

So last week, we talked about bizarro fiction, the new kid on the block, kind of weird. You're pretty sure he worships some kind of god he made up, but you don't ever want to call him on it just in case he snaps.

This week, we're going mainstream… or as mainstream as it really ever gets with SF/F: steampunk. Steampunk isn't just literature anymore. It's a whole movement, and it makes for some very polarized opinions. I know people who hate it and say that it's all full of fun vampires who obsess over the historical accuracy of buttons on a jacket. And I know people who do, in fact, obsess over the historical accuracy of the buttons on a jacket… they most certainly are fun vampires.

On the flipside of the steampunk coin, you have people who think that like gears and so they throw them on their outfit and think: Boom. Steampunk. In a way, they're not wrong. It might take a little more care, but if you're using brass and gears and goggles and corsets and top hats, you're probably going to hit close enough to the visual aesthetic that people will say, "Hey look, steampunk."

Steampunk literature sure didn't suffer from the popularity of the movement, either. The word steampunk, like all of the other punk genres, came about from the big bad granddaddy that, unfortunately, most people aren't as familiar with: cyberpunk (more on that another week). They do have some similarities, the most obvious being the technology. Steampunk is, of course, tech from the steam-powered Victorian era, and the works are often set in an alternate history version of the Victorian world, though by no means is that always the case. My favorite steampunk books, the Leviathan trilogy by Scott Westerfeld, focuses on the first world war. Still not exactly modern, of course, but certainly not Victorian.

One of the other defining factors is the subversion. It's where the 'punk' comes into all of the many X-punk subgenres. It's not ubiquitous—beyond the tech, nothing is ubiquitous in steampunk literature—but it's extremely common to see something or someone railing against social convention for one reason or another. Hence why the steampunk skies are full of female mechanics and air captains, in a world where it simply wouldn't have happened, and Ada Lovelace is raised onto her (deservedly) high pedestal. It's why a chimney sweep who also repairs complex machines on the side would work just fine. But moving outside of the Victorian era, subversion is still very much present. Rebels exist throughout steampunk, people working outside the rest of society (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comes to mind, there, although that's still Victorian.). Even in my very limited steampunk offerings, subversion is everywhere. Two mad scientists bonding over conquering the world, or an automaton going against government rule to provide water for the boilers of the poor.

 

I've mentioned a couple of my favorite works already: Leviathan, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (the comics and the movie). But there are many more, and many of them are considered some of the greatest in (and about) the genre. The Difference Engine, Boneshaker, and a fair number of the offerings of Jeff and Ann Vandermeer, most notably the Steampunk Bible.

There's also a fantasy side to steampunk called gaslamp fantasy, but that's also for another week. But while we're talking about things that aren't quite steampunk, I'd like to touch on the Victorian sci-fi out there. This is personal opinion, so feel free to ign

ore it, but I think it needs saying:

Jules Verne did not write steampunk. Neither did H.G. Wells. Steampunk is retrofuturistc, meaning that it deals with the past, but with advanced science and technology. Jules Verne and H.G. Wells were writing contemporary sci-fi. I will wholeheartedly agree that their work should go among the big influences for steampunk, but they were not writing steampunk. Sorry… but not really.

Now, if I haven't horribly offended you with that last little tirade and you want more Subgenre Saturdays, make sure to subscribe to the blog, an if you have any speculative fiction subgenres you'd like to see on future Subgenre Saturdays, leave a comment below. Always happy to hear from you.

Voss

Subgenre Saturday: Bizarro Fiction

People know what they like, for the most part. It hardly needs stating, it's such a well-accepted fact. But what people don't always have are the words for what they like, the names that they can actually use to communicate it. That's not exactly a problem I can tackle, but I'm going to take a little nibble off of it with this new set of posts.

So welcome to Subgenre Saturday, a look at the myriad subgenres tucked under the speculative fiction umbrella… and maybe a handful that hang around just outside the umbrella, too. And believe me, when you start digging deep into it, there are a lot of them out there.

But today, we'll start with one very near and dear to my heart, one of my great loves, as a reader. Bizarro fiction. Sort of a new kid on the block, sort of a Frankenstein compiled from other 'cult' genres, bizarro is described by the writers and publishers involved in it as 'literature's equivalent to the cult section at the video store.' It's the B-movie of the literary world (although there are bizarro movies and other such media, as we'll see).

 

Bizarro fiction didn't officially become a thing until 2005, when houses like Eraserhead Press (easily the biggest bizarro publisher out there) adopted it to describe the books they were working with. From a literary standpoint, you could say bizarro is a bit of magical realism mixed with a bit of splatterpunk horror and stirred up with some sex and nudity. But even that's not a good definition. I think the best definition I've found was from a blog about writing bizarro. It's taking an idea that sounds absolutely worthless, then making it not suck.

Let's take a look at my favorite bizarro novel (novelette, really), just to maybe explain it a little better: Ultra Fuckers, by Carlton Mellick III is dystopian sci-fi… but not. But maybe. Here's what the 'worthless idea' part of this book would be (spoilers ahead): a sentient gated community that takes over the world. Yeah. Sure. But it ends up as such an unnerving book. A husband and wife head to a diner party in a new housing development. But they can't seem to find their way. The streets are to confusing, and it just seems so huge. Eventually, they get directions from one of the stations scattered throughout the community (they also serve fast food, and just about anything else you need). But the directions, of course, lead them nowhere. The wife leaves to find it on foot, and the husband continues to drive.

For days.

Eventually, we learn that the whole community is continually replicating, processing everything from the world, filling in holes, covering the planet in the same set of houses and streets again… and a

gain… and again. Eventually, it circles back through the whole world and starts again, reprocessing what it already made. An endless cycle that leaves the world a barren suburbia.

That. That is bizarro, and that's pretty tame, compared to a lot of the other books. Dead Bitch Army. Shatnerquake. Razor Wire Pubic Hair. Just to name a handful of them.

When it comes to movies, there are a few that definitely fall in the bizarro category. Probably the most famous is Eraserhead, which is where the press got its name. It's an excellent movie (it's pretty hard to go wrong with David Lynch and space sperm), but it's not my favorite bizarro flick. If I was going to personally recommend just one bizarro movie to someone, it would be The Saddest Music in the World. The story of a legless Canadian beer baroness (who uses glass prosthetics filled with beer) who hatches a plot during the Great Depression to find the saddest music in the world, because sad people will drink more and buy her beer. It's a good intro to the sort of off-kilter vibe that pervades bizarro works, and it's fairly humorous, so it doesn't get as heavy as some of the darkest works.

So, if you like things that are pretty out there, I'd give bizarro a try. It's one of my favorite genres. But as fair warning, I should point out that a lot of the works have some pretty adult content. Lots of blood and gore, sex and nudity, violence and language. NC-17 books, here… of course, if you're like me, that just makes you want to read them more, right?

Voss

Radcon Wrapup

Oh dear, where do I begin when it comes to Radcon? I mean... it's kind of hard to sum up a con, as anyone who has ever been to an SF/F con knows.

So Friday, we get there and set up our dealer's room to sell books and crafts and such. Those people there have good taste, too. I all but sold out of my copies of The Park while I was there. And the rest of the authors did fairly well. We even managed to drag in Frog and Esther Jones, two of my favorite people who I talk about a lot, if you haven't noticed. So that was fun. Then, from that moment on, I was running full tilt almost the entire con. Got to moderate my first panel, gabbing about multiple pen names, and then sat on a panel on tropes in fiction with the totally awesome Jim C. Hines and Keffy Kehrli. And then, of course, I got all made up to do The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Probably the biggest highlight of that con was when I got one of my favorite people (and a woman who intimidated me for a long time... and kind of still does) up on stage with me: Alma Alexander, the Duchess of Fantasy.

Saturday wasn't much calmer, talking inclusive fannish communities and gender/sexuality. And I ended Sunday with a cryptozoology panel with Sam Knight and a couple of artists who, though they claimed to know nothing about cryptozoology, I found out later wrote a whole children's book on it... which I cannot find a for sure copy of, right now, but it's called The ABCs of Cryptids, Meg James and L. James.

All in all, this is one of the most peaceful cons I've ever been to. Which was surprising, because it was one of the biggest, if not the biggest Radcon to date. They ran out of supplies Saturday night on some things, we had so many attendees. But there was a very chill vibe. I might be able to attribute that to the fact that I've done this several times, now, but it felt like it ran deeper than that. It felt like things have finally settled and, after a lot of hardship, the con has finally found its center again. And I like that, not just because it sounds like new-age bullshit.

And now, I really do have to get back to work on the next book. Working on the sequel to The Park, so that should be out this half of the year, hopefully.

Voss

Release: The Mountains of Good Fortune

The Rot covers the planet, destroying life, scorching soil, decaying even metal to dust. Humanity has only one option: the sky. Massive ports spread throughout the atmosphere. Docking stations for the ships that fill the air. The last refuges of a doomed race.

Captain Nila Yeden controls the skies. She’s sworn to protect the ports, protect the people, and hand down judgment to criminals who threaten society. Her job is vital, keeping the peace in a ravaged world, and she never questioned her importance. But one fugitive forces her to hesitate.

Can she bring down her own sister?

The balloon beasts provide food for all the ports, and only the bravest crews man the hunting ships. Commander Sitha Yeden devoted herself to the hunt, but something changes when she finds the map, and her bravery leads her to mutiny. And now the police forces looms over her, her sister among them. But in her hands, she holds a tether to her past, and a map to a new future. For herself and the world

Will the quest destroy her, or will she finally find the fabled Mountains of Good Fortune?

Excerpt:

“We’ve got her in sight.” Captain Menit nudged the wheel to the left and pulled back the power, slowing the Nedell to a hover. With his free hand, he pressed the intercom button, broadcasting his voice through the whole ship. “If it takes more than five minutes to take this bitch down, you can all jump down and get taken up by the Rot.” He released the button, then turned and sighed to Sitha. “Be ready with the shockers. We’ve got a big female. She could haul us all across the sky, if she wanted.”

“Aye, Captain.” The control panel, stainless steel studded with buttons, levers, and screens, stretched out before her. She wrapped one hand around the power lever, her fingers sliding into familiar ruts in the rubber handle, and put the other on the winch switch. “Ready, Captain Menit.”

He nodded and pressed the intercom on again. “Why don’t I have harpoons in the air, yet?”

A gruff, crackling voice came over the line. Desyet, the lead harpoonist. “Firing now, Captain.”

Sitha looked at the balloon beast floating next to them. Its bluish-gray skin filled the whole portside window, blocked the sky from view. Huge, black eyes blinked at her. She had to be at least a ton. All good meat they could take back to port. It would feed a lot of people. Her hands sweated around the handles.

The Nedell vibrated as the harpoons left their barrels. They flew, tiny metal barbs compared to their quarry, and stuck into the thick hide. The beast noticed. She pulled, yanking the ship into a heavy tilt, almost ninety degrees. Sitha jerked back the lever, loosing the Nedell’s stored electricity along the shockers’ cables, right into her body. More than enough of a charge. The beast calmed in death.

Captain Menit spun the wheel around, righting the ship. “Start that winch, Commander!”

She pulled the switch back. The hum started, then the rumbling as the shockers reeled in, pulling the balloon beast’s carcass along with it. She thought of the food it would mean, again. The food and the payday.

Sitha sighed and stopped the winch. “I’m sorry, Captain.”

He must not have heard. “What’s wrong, Commander?”

She reached into her pocket and pulled out the handshocker her sister had given her. For protection, she’d said. Just in case. Sitha aimed it straight at Menit’s chest. She looked at his polished copper buttons, not into his eyes. “I’m taking the Nedell.”

“Commander, stand down.” He boomed, using the voice that made people listen. It made Sitha shiver. “This is ridiculous.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, but I’m taking the Nedell. It can be peaceful, or it can be otherwise.”

“My crew—”

“My crew, Captain.” Still not making eye contact, she gestured with the weapon. “Get into the escape pod and go. We’re only a few hours out from Ausin Port. You’ll only be traveling for a while.”

“Commander—”

“Go!” She pushed him in the chest, knocking him back. He stumbled toward the pod door. “I won’t ask again.” She brought her other hand to the shocker and primed it. A single button press and he’d be unconscious. “Please, Captain. Don’t make this difficult.”

“I can’t give you the Nedell, Commander.”

Staring at her feet, she shook her head. “Then I have to apologize again, Captain.”

The barbed needles flew, landing in Captain Menit’s chest with a scattering of tiny thuds.

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7 Under-Appreciated Sci-Fi Reads

Last week, we took a look at some fantasy books that just deserve a little more attention than they've been getting. Today, we turn to the science fiction side of the spectrum, throw out a few more books to make your to-be-read pile all the larger.

7: Can of Worms by Kathy Mackel

Remember when sci-fi was fun? Aliens and technology and adventure? That's Can of Worms. It rose to popularity during the era of Disney Channel Original Movies, and that's how I discovered it. A TV movie. I proceeded to read it ten or fifteen time. In a row. It's the story of Mike Pillsbury and his attempts to move through the sea of the public school system, all the while dealing with a cavalcade of aliens drawn by the signal he sent out into the universe, all ready to 'rescue' him from his family. And of course, things take a turn for the worse. But as far as sci-fi goes nowadays, it's a nice, light read.

6: Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott

Flatland does have a certain level of popularity, but will that last? As we, unfortunately, lose our oldest generation of sci-fi readers, more and more classics fall by the wayside. Already, enough people haven't read Flatland. But I think it deserves attention, if only because of how completely groundbreaking it was at the time. In 1884, Edwin Abbott published Flatland under the pen name A. Square as the memoirs of a resident of Flatland, a two-dimensional world. But our noble square is not your average square. He receives a message from another world. A sphere who descends into flatland from our world to show him the truth. An allegory to it's core, the very fact that a work in such a time period, one that not subtly suggests that God may, in fact, be quite fallible, astounds me to this day. And you can't beat the price—under two dollars for an ink and paper copy.

5: Hopscotch by Kevin J. Anderson

Now, Kevin J. Anderson is hardly a name to be forgotten in the world of modern speculative fiction. But try to talk to someone about Hopscotch. How many people have read it? I've been to numerous sci-fi and fantasy cons, both as a fan and as a panelist, and I have yet to run across a single other soul who has read the book, or even heard of it.

It tells the story of a group of young people in a world where body-swapping is not only prevalent, but quite normal. An artist who switches out with another to avoid exhaustion. A young woman seeking some sort of spiritual truth. A government officer without the ability to swap, but unfooled by the mutable outward appearance of the world's population. I read it first in middle school, and it's stuck with me since then.

4: Manta's Gift by Timothy Zahn

Jupiter: the great, inscrutable gas giant. What lies beneath the surface? What could possibly withstand the gravitational force of such a massive stellar body? Timothy Zahn, well known to fans of the Star Wars Extended Universe as the creator of Mara Jade and Admiral Thrawn, answers that question—the Qanskas. They travel from gas giant to gas giant throughout the universe, floating about and just surviving. Our main character, injured, is given the chance to join his consciousness with the body of one of the Qanska (I know, Avatar… but this came first. Remember that.). They accept him… kind of. As he moves deeper into the Qanska society, he learns the truth. Whether he wants to or not.

3: Ultra Fuckers by Carlton Mellick III

Dystopian fiction has always been one of my favorites. Now, technically, Ultra Fuckers is considered bizarro fiction, which is a relatively new genre that sprung out of splatterpunk and magical realism, but it reads exactly life sci-fi. Weird sci-fi, but sci-fi. It begins innocently enough: a dinner party with a woman's new boss. It's in this brand new housing development, but the GPS isn't working. Before too long, she abandons her husband, the story's main character, and he has to try and find his way out. But that won't happen. This housing development keeps growing. Constantly. It's computer programmed for perfection, but the computer has a bug. Of course it does. Soon enough, the whole world is one big housing development, complete with the ubiquitous goldfish mohawked robot cyclops.

I told you it was weird.

As with most dystopian fiction, it's not particularly hopeful, but it's a hell of a read. And you can finish it, cover to cover, in a few hours. Great for a gray and rainy day off.

2: This Perfect Day by Ira Levin

God, this list is starting to look familiar. Any regular reader probably recognizes half of these books, including This Perfect Day. It's one of my favorites. Now, I love The Giver, I do, but this is better. So much better. It's very clear about the whole thing rather than leaving it to imagination like The Giver. You meet the people in charge. You see the escapees. You understand the full and complete level of the treachery committed in the name of keeping society peaceful. Chip doesn't quite fit in. Chip's genetics are flawed, leaving him with heterochromia, one brown eye and one blue. Chip questions the way things are done, and he isn't the only one. There are others around him, people who appreciate art and smoking and sex that isn't shortened by chemical injection. He gets in with them, but he's not happy with their small victories. He wants more. He wants true, actual freedom, and he's willing to fight for it.

1: The Cyberiad by Stanislaw Lem

You had to see this one coming, didn't you? It's my favorite book. No one's ever read it. I want them to read it. It's sci-fi. This list is about sci-fi. It may not be the least popular sci-fi book ever written, but it's not exactly popular, either. At least not in the states. It got quite a bit of notice when it was released in Poland. It's not a single narrative, rather a collection of vignettes about the illustrious constructors, Trurl and Klapaucius. From a run-in with a pirate desperate to collect information to a trip hunting dragons through the phases of probability, the stories are just fun, which is what this list seems to come down to. The science is… well, there really isn't any science. It's very heavy on the fiction. But it's brilliant. Completely and utterly brilliant, and a lot of the credit goes to the translator, Michael Kandel. Not only the text but the poetry was translated, rhyming intact.

So there it is. We did seven fantasy books, and now seven sci-fi books. So again, I turn to you: which books did I miss. What can I add to my bookshelf? Let me know, and subscribe up at the top, if you want to keep the dialogue open. I always like to hear from other readers.

Voss

Radcon 6B: Report

I returned, and I'm finally functional, again. Sort of. I wrote yesterday at any rate, which is a pretty good general sign of life. I think. Heck, I'm not a doctor, so I guess I can't say for sure.

But, as someone who is either functioning and alive, or a zombie, I have to tell you: this was a CON this year. Big time.It was also a pretty different experience for me. Now, this is not my first time on panels. That's not what was strange. This was the first year I didn't really go to any panels. I hit one on coffee roasting, but the only thing I heard about writing all weekend is what I heard in my panels and what was hit on in the green room or by my traveling companions.

And that was okay with me. More than anything, this con sparked something. A lot of us said it. This Radcon was really different. 2014 is going to be a year of opportunity, for those brave enough to reach for it. This year has been inspirational. It brought out artistic sides in people that they didn't really know they had.

I'll use my brother-in-law as an example. For the past few years, he's been floundering artistically. He doesn't see any value in any of the work he can create. So he goes to con. We have a good time, order some Round Table Pizza (god, is that stuff good), go through the dealers' rooms. And then, at the end of con, we go home.

The next day, he tells me that con gave him a personal 180. He's ready to start making things and doing things. Why? Because he went to con. He saw that there are people who actually would enjoy the things he makes. He sees that there are people his age and younger already starting out on creative careers. Like con does to everyone, it charged him up, got him ready to do something. Anything.

Not to say that this convention was all some philosophical wonderfest where we sat around in togas discussing the universe. It wasn't, believe me. It was a damn blast, is what it was. I mean, where else (besides the now defunct Quark's in Vegas) can you go to the bar and order a Romulan ale? Not many places, is what I think.

We wandered the party hall, wandered around the shops, just generally wandered, to be totally honest. Even with my foot in agony (I was crippled up something fierce), I can look back on this convention fondly (although my bad attitude from my pain may or may not have made me something of an asshole that first day... maybe).

Even our bad experiences weren't entirely bad. We had a fire alarm pulled the second night. My friends were in 10 Forward, I was in the D20 Girls' room. We eventually found each other and we decided to go check the sliding glass door on our dealer's room. With 2,000 plus people wandering around, you can't be too careful. Just as we started walking, they let us back in. So we rush over to the room and, yes, it was open a bit. Nothing missing, though. We realize that we forgot to bring our promo table in from the outside, though. So we do that. I'm holding the door. In comes the table.

And in come these two girls we don't know. I figure they're lost, and they'll walk back out. Then one of them screams 'Oh, books!'

We immediately clear the way to the merchandise. Believe me, they were a lot of fun. And they bought a book, which is always nice. But, as soon as they left, we all burst out laughing. It was awesome. It also told us that we really need to keep our room open longer next year. Book people stay up late. Go figure.

So, that was Radcon 6B this year. As always, it's a great convention. There's a reason I go every year, after all. And, if you're in the area, I suggest dropping in next year. Especially if you've never been to a con. This is a good one for beginners.

Happy trails,
Voss

Con-Tact

Date: February 14th, 2014 Ano Domini

Location: A single-wide trailer in Eastern Washington.

It's raining outside (as opposed to raining inside). The ground is still wet and squelchy from the four inches of melting snow. The world around me is... somewhat less than quiet. Filled with the meaningless noises of children.

But I sit in the captain's seat, hands on these keys, knowing this may be my last message to the living world. Today, in mere hours, I intend to set foot in a strange and very different environment.

Radcon 6B.

What I will find on this planet, I can guess, but I can't say for certain. The only guide I have is a few sheets of paper I put together beforehand and the official guidebook I will receive at the entry station. Beyond that, I am lost. There may be alien viruses, and there are almost surely hostile lifeforms. My only hope is to avoid them both, and I may well fail at this mission. Even worse than that, part of my mission is to try the local food and drink. It may kill me, but I must fulfill my mission.

If this is the final time I have contact with another human being, do me a favor: tell my friends and family I love them. And make sure nobody ever gets my recipe for cheesecake crust.

Voss

TL:DR: I'm going to Radcon 6B today. My schedule is available here. I'd also like to point out my terror at spending essentially an entire weekend in the company of Kay Kenyon. Hopefully I don't make a complete ass of myself.

Voss

Anti-Classic Support Group

Hi, I'm Voss, and I'm not a fan of the classics.

And guess what: that's okay.

Before I continue: I'm not talking about the classics like Jane Eyre, David Copperfield, or Pride and Prejudice. I'm talking the classics of my genre: The Lord of the Rings, Dune, Foundation. That kind of thing. That's not to say I don't like any of the genre staples. Give me Gormenghast, A Wizard of Earthsea, Left Hand of Darkness, or Fahrenheit 451 whenever you like: I'll read it.

What's the point? No, no, it's not some form of confession, because this isn't anything to feel guilty about. But, when I went to my first sci-fi/fantasy convention, I hadn't read most of this stuff, and the people that found out thought it was an abhorrent idea. Never finished Lord of the Rings? Blasphemer! You find Dune boring and completely without interest? How dare you?

But I'm here to tell you that it's okay. You don't need my permission, but I'll even write you a note, if you'd like. Read what you like and, for the other writers out there, don't think that you have to read all this stuff just to be allowed to write in the genre. There is no gatekeeper standing in front of your laptop, I promise.

That's also not to say don't try some of the classics, some of the 'key' pieces of a genre. Do try them. Try reading everything, that's my rule. If you don't like it, then fine, don't read it. But do try: you could be missing out on a real gem if you don't.

Voss

RadCon Wrap-Up

So, Radcon was, in a word, marvelous. I've always liked this convention, to be totally honest, but this one was a definite highlight. not to mention that this was the first time I ended up on panels.

So, we start with the drama: I go to the green room right away (led by a very helpful volunteer security guard, I might add) and there's my packet with all my pro information, my pro placard, my schedule...but not the pro badge. Well, turns out there was a minor snafu and, instead of being upstairs, my badge had mysteriously ended up sitting downstairs. Oh well. No big deal.

I'm not going to spend time giving you a blow by blow of every panel. That would probably get horribly dull, after all. But there were some real highlights. For those that didn't know, Tanya Huff was our Writer Guest of Honor. Well, after a panel, we stood out in the hallway for a solid half hour just talking to her and she said something I think is very heartening to a lot of authors. Someone asked if she, like other authors out there, writes from 9-5 every day. She does have her hours set aside for work, but she doesn't necessarily just work during those hours. She's very good at spider solitaire. In fact, her original response to the question was, word for word, "Hell no!" She produces a single book every year. You can breathe that sigh of relief, now.

The other wonderful thing was talking to Patricia Briggs in the same hallway, a few feet away, at the very end of the convention. She, I think, is the epitome of what authors should aim for when dealing with fans. She doesn't really differentiate, not the way we're 'supposed' to. She'll talk to you. It's wonderful. Really wonderful.

And I met some wonderful new people doing the panels. The standout of the weekend for new acquaintances had to be Esther Jones, part of the joint writing team Frog and Esther Jones. A bright, intelligent woman, and the two of them have their first novel, Grace Under Fire. Obviously, I haven't yet had the chance to read it, but it sounds brilliant, and is pretty well-reviewed on Amazon. I would give it a look.

I also got the chance to (finally) meet Tonya Macalino, a fellow member of the Northwest Independent Writers' Association. It was a brief encounter, and all that really happened was the snapping of a picture, but she spoke well at her panel, and seemed very chipper, a rare sight on the final day of a convention. (Normally, that last day is full of zombified geeks moaning around the halls, myself included).

All in all, a fabulous convention.

Voss

Convention Survival Guide

Hello, my darlings!

So, for those who haven't yet heard the joyous news, I'm a panelist at RadCon 6A this year (my schedule is here, if you're interested.). This is my fourth sci-fi/fantasy convention, and my umpteenth trip, in general (thank you, high school band trips). I wouldn't say for a second that I'm an expert, but I do know some things, at this point, and I'd like to pass on that information to you.

I'll note this now: reading this is probably going to be a bit of a trek. Like, bring a tent. But I'll do my best to keep you entertained. Also contains some PG-13 content.

Preparation:
So, you've found your convention and you're ready to go and all that happy stuff. Now, with most of these conventions, there are some things you want to make sure of, for the sake of your bank account. They tend to suffer the most from excursions like this.

1: If you're going to be staying at a hotel and not with friends/family/gracious strangers with candy, they might very well have a discounted price for the convention (normally, that'll be on the con's website). Now, you get some people working at the hotels that will ask you, when you give them the dates, if it's for the convention. If they don't make sure and point it out that you're here for the con. The savings can be real. For RadCon this year, the discount is something like 40 dollars a night off the usual price.

2: Pre-registration is your friend...kind of. The pre-reg price is usually cheaper, and pre-registering for the convention allows you to stop worrying about whether they'll run out of memberships by the time you get to pay (which does happen). Speaking from personal experience, those are not worries you want to have. But pre-reg does come with a different cost. Unless you're going to a bigger convention (like NorWesCon, WesterCon, OryCon, et cetera), the pre-reg line is going to be enormous, at least in my experience. If you can get there early and be at the front of that line, then that's what you should do. I've missed panels waiting in the pre-reg line, before.

3: If you've ever been to a convention or know someone that has, you've probably heard all about the dreaded con plague. The wonderful combination of 1000+ bodies, poor eating habits, sleep deprivation, tight quarters, and full blast air conditioning to combat the heat of those 1000+ bodies makes conventions the perfect place to catch 18 separate strains of influenza and, if you're particularly unlucky, fourth dimensional Andromedan mega herpes. So, before you even think about stepping over the threshold to that hotel, or even getting in the car, you should be taking Vitamin C. Don't exceed the dosage, obviously, but take it, and take it without shame--you'll be the one walking away from the convention instead of crawling through a puddle of your own vomit.

4: Most conventions put up a programming grid that has all the events for the weekend, the rooms and times they can be found in, and whoever is participating. As soon as you can, put together a preliminary schedule (it's going to change, I can almost guarantee). Then, about a week before the con, remind yourself that you do not, in fact, run by filtering dark matter through your skin. Sleeping and eating are important. So: what can you cut to give yourself a few breaks throughout the day? Find it and cut it, keeping in mind that the schedule can change an hour before an event.

Packing:
It's now very close, days away. You've made sure you have the days free (You have, haven't you? I shouldn't have to remind you of that, right?), you have the hotel room reserved (and the confirmation number at the ready, just in case), and your ride is arranged. But you now have an empty suitcase and a house full of stuff you suddenly can't live without. I promise, you can.

1: You'll forget something. It's inevitable. It could be something stupid, like your pack of playing cards, or you could be like me and forget your laptop charger. But don't panic--you'll make it through. Hand in hand with that is the fact that you simply can't fit everything you want to, barring the rental of a U-Haul.

2: When you're packing, realize what you can physically fit inside the three dimensional space of your chosen mode of transportation. A good rule is two bags and another smaller container of some sort. You can normally cram that into even the smallest vehicle. This also applies to packing people. If you have so many people in the vehicle that you have to open your doors to buckle yourselves in, that is TOO MANY people. Trust me: riding in those confined spaces can cause some very serious health issues.

3: Now, what is it you actually need to bring, and how can it possibly fit?

• Underwear and shirts for every day (roll them, don't fold them--they take up less space that way.)
• A pair of pants (or a skirt) for every two days, at least (again: roll)
• Camera (you'll be sorry if you don't) and batteries/charger
• Money (make sure it's nothing that would ruin you if it did go missing)
• Wallet/ID
• House keys/car keys
• Things you require for continued living (inhalers, prescriptions, et cetera)
• Supplement pills (I bring ibuprofen, naproxen sodium, Vitamin C, Vitamin B Complex, antacids, and St. John's Wort)
• Playing cards (or another small game to pass the time)
• Good shoes (save the heels for absolute necessity moments--you average 17 miles a day at conventions, believe it or not)
• Water (please, please, please drink water. More than you think you need)
• Condoms (yes, they can be used for their traditional purpose (and should be), but they can also be filled with ice and applied to a sprain or something, in a pinch (they stretch better than a zip top bag or something like that)
• Electronics (laptop, MP3 player, CD player, cell phone, et cetera) and all applicable chargers
• Food (save yourself money: bring ready to eat foods, or easy to prep foods. And make sure you ask the hotel if they have refrigerator/microwave in the room, or at least available.)
• Chocolate (I put this separate from food for a reason. Not only will it give you a boost of caffeine, and put some food (if not very good for you food) in your system, it will help with the high stresses of a con.)
• DEODORANT (For the love of all that is holy, use this! Sacrifice something else if you have to, but bring the deodorant. Bring more than one, if you can, in case someone else needs it.)
• Females, you should also bring along the appropriate products. I won't go into more detail than that.

There may be other things you need to bring, depending on what you have to do at your convention. I personally have to bring several copies of books and a piece for reading, as well as a binder full of collectible cards I plan to sell, and paper plates/cups. Yeah. All packed into a Geo.

At the Convention:

You're here! You've got your bags and are ready to go, and you didn't even kill anyone on the trip over. Good for you.

1: Most people I know aim to arrive at a convention around noon. Here's the catch--check in at most hotels is around 3. You can get in early, sometimes, but you may end up having to leave everything but the absolute most essential items in the trunk until you can actually get up to your room.

2: Get in line right away. Like, immediately. As soon as is humanly possible. Obviously, you shouldn't do anything to piss off the people running the convention, but you absolutely must get in that line to get your badge. It's going to take some time, no matter what, so the sooner, the better.

3: Once you're all badged up (make sure it's always visible--the convention guards can get a little miffed if you try to get in without a badge), look over whatever schedule they gave you and compare it to your own schedule. Also go around to the rooms that you'll be jumping between. A lot of the time, your con will focus in one or two hallways, but not always (and those times when they don't can be a bit of a pain if you don't prepare). Also, I would grab a map, if they have one available.

4: You'll see people dressed in provocative costumes. I will almost guarantee that. That is not an invitation to grope them. It's an invitation to look and possibly start up a conversation, but hands should remain to yourself until further notice.

5: Also, please be respectful of the costumes. The people wearing them have put a lot of time and sweat (and sometimes blood and skin flakes) into making them. Even if you think it's atrocious, say nothing. Say good things, or shut up. Seriously.

6: There's a rule that goes around called the 3-2-1 rule. It's your minimum for a convention. Every day, get at least three hours sleep (in a row), 2 meals, and 1 shower (I did say minimum). If you can get more of any, do, but those are your basic survival numbers.

7: All right, now, technically, this is your con to do with as you please. You are fully welcome to pay for your badge, then sit in the hotel room until it's time to leave. But that's really dumb. You're paying anywhere from 30-70 dollars to go to this convention, not counting hotel room or travel. The very least you should do is go to the panels, and probably the dealers' room and art auction (if they have one). I won't say that you should hit the parties, especially if you're under 21 or, for some other reason, can't drink. Most of them revolve around drinking. But if you can drink, I would say to at least try a party. If you don't like it, that's fine.

8: Don't be a dick. it's Wil Wheaton's life advice, but I'm specifically putting it in here. You don't want to be that guy (or gal) that ruins someone's convention, least of all your friends'/roommates' convention. If they're nervous or stressed out or having a panic attack, that is not the time to leave them alone, or tell them to fend for themselves, or belittle what's happening to them. that's the time to try and comfort them, or at least get them away from the situation.

9: The pros and volunteers for a convention, at the most, will probably only be getting a free badge. At the most. Treat them with respect. They came here for you, to try and give you a better convention experience. And there is no training program, really. The volunteers roaming the halls, behind the tables, or guarding the doors to various events have perhaps an hour or two before the convention. And they don't get to do all the fun stuff that you do. The pros are thrown in with zero training, really. Being a panelist is a learn it on the go kind of job. So relax, and tell them that you liked it, if you did--complements are good. But don't be totally creepy about it. Bathrooms are not the place to approach your favorite panelist, I'm afraid.

I'm sure there are a million other things, but, with this, you should at least be able to avoid being disemboweled by a bat'leth. And really, when you put this many socially awkward people in a confined space, 'not disemboweled by a bat'leth' is a pretty good achievement.

Now, go forth and do great things,

Voss

Wandering Weeds

Yahoo! Or perhaps YAWP!

I've just been accepted into the great anthology "Wandering Weeds: Tales of Rabid Vegetation", edited by the equally great Frances Pauli and Jaleta Clegg.

Why is it so great?

It's an anthology of what happens when weeds--mostly tumbleweeds, but that's not exclusive--go a little wrong. Radioactive tumbleweeds, enchanted tumbleweeds, but mostly just pissed off tumbleweeds with a sore spot about the human race.

And it's awesome.

I can't say too much about it--lord, it hasn't come out yet, so I don't really know much anyway--but from what I do know, I know it's going to be AWESOME. So...you should all buy it when it comes out, since it's going to be awesome. Have I mentioned that yet?

Peace,
Voss

The Church of the Immaculate Roast

The grower...
The roaster...
The French press...
May the Bean be with you!

In other words? SpoCon had some damn good coffee.

I know I said I would be posting voraciously all throughout SpoCon.

I lied.

Now, however, I can really hook you up--as well as insert some shameless promotions for certain amazing people.

Now, on Saturday there were some decent panels--there were, I promise--but the crowning achievement of the day was the last two set of blogs. Paramore in paranormal romance and adult themes in science fiction and fantasy. The first was a hellaciously awesome line-up to begin with--Courtney Breazile, Moira J. Moore, and one of my new favorite people, Lilith Saintcrow (see my previous blog post). That panel discussed very serious issues--the power differential between a human and the other in paranormal romance, the believability of an obscenely pwerful creature being led around by a mere human, and the important issue of bestiality when it comes to werewolves.

After that, Erik Scott de Bie joined us for adult themes ranging from violence to sexuality and even touching a bit on psychological darkness. That panel stretched on another hour or so after it was supposed to end and definintely got derailed by our moderator--but that made it so very memorable and enjoyable.

Then came Sunday, a day devoted to gaming. However, I still attended the brilliant NaNoWriMo panel (Frances Pauli, Lilith Saintcrow, and a woman I sadly cannot remember the name of...for shame) and an end of day panel on metaphysical crystals.

All in all, I give this particular con a 4.5 out of 5, which I understand is somewhat because of their new switch to a hotel instead of Gonzaga. I still preferred RadCon, however. But not a lot.

Wishing I had more Cold Forge coffee,
Voss